November 3rd, 2006... The day I decided to leave my comfort zone.
I will never forget it. Partly because it is in legal documents, but mostly because it was the day I had been scared of for so long.
I had thought about it for years actually but fear kept me stuck and in denial and in a place where I never want to be again. A place where I felt trapped and without choice.
So today is the day I chose. The day I chose me. The day I chose to accept my failure as a wife, as a mother, as a daughter, as a daughter-in-law, and as a sister-in-law.
I chose the dissolution of my 25 year marriage.
I tried so hard for so long to make it work. Counseling, conversation, talking myself into and out of things countless times. Convincing myself it was ok. Telling myself that we don't fight - we get along. Telling myself I made vows I can't break. Telling myself I can't hurt those I love.
But I was hurting myself. And by doing that, I was hurting the ones I loved because I wasn't living my truth and...
I was inspired to share something I learned over the weekend.
First let me give you a little context...
My husband & I went to Arkansas for 5 days on a trip that my husband and I have been asked to go on for 10 years. We were visiting my husband’s best friend (and locker partner) from 8th grade where he's made his home since graduating from law school back in the 80s.
Since my husband and I dated in college, his friend and I go back a few years too. And we see his friend once or twice a year when he comes to visit his mom & sister who lives near us. For 10 years, he has asked us to come visit him at his home in Arkansas.
We've always made excuses for not being able to take the trip:
But finally, this year, we decided to MAKE THE TIME to take the trip. And what happened was magical.
This trip turned...
Many of my followers have heard my story of how my husband and I rekindled our relationship after being apart for 27 years.
Some day I'll write a book, as many have suggested, but until then, I'll keep documenting our continuing story through blog posts like this.
We just surpassed a big milestone - our 10th wedding anniversary! We celebrated by taking a fabulous 3 night trip to the Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia. (If you've never been there, GO! You can check it out here: https://www.greenbrier.com/)
It's hard to believe 10 years has passed so quickly, and easily! By this point in my first marriage, I had already been through a very rocky period and several visits to a therapist. When I compare the past 10 years to the first 10 of my last marriage, this one has been a breeze and it just keeps getting better.
People say marriage takes hard work. Well, I don't buy that because that hasn't been the case for me! I worked REALLY HARD in my first...
"Judgment comes from a place of fear, disdain, or even hate." by Rachel Hollis from "Girl Wash Your Face"
No judgement here if you are "judgy." This comes from my and a place of love because I want to be a force that makes a difference. I want to inspire positive change.
Part of the reason is because I used to be the most judgmental person so I understand. And I know change is possible no matter who you are or how old you are.
I'm a work in progress trying to get better every day. If you ever see my judgy side come out, call me on it please!!!
Here are a few tips from Rachel:
1. "Find nonjudgmental friends. We tend to become whoever we surround ourselves with. If your friends are full of gossip & vitriol, I promise you'll start to develop the habit. When you are looking for a community of women, look for ones who want to build each other up instead of year each other down." (or talk shit about others - those are my words! Rachel didn't cuss. )
2. Police yourself. "If...
When I look at this little guy, I think about how much I want to be a part of his life. Being a grandma is different than being a mom because you know how precious time is and how fast it can fly by...
I want him to know me - the VIBRANT and FUN-FILLED me! I don't want him to ever see me as the old fuddy duddy who can't do things.
That thought motivates me like no other. It makes me WANT to stay focused on my health. It pushes me to press play & do my workout every day.
I'll be 77 when I go to his high school graduation. I'll be 81 when I go to his college graduation. And chances are I'll be close to 90 when I go to his wedding.
The images of those events in my head drives a deeper level of commitment to the habits I've developed of eating healthy and exercising
How big is your commitment to your own personal health and to being there for special events 30 years from now?
If it's not big, I urge you to change that TODAY! And COMMIT!!!!
If you need a support system, I'm still...
I love that my 2 girls are sooo close! That was so important to me as a mom!!!
One thing I think I did well is that I never took sides when they got into fights. I always made them solve their own problems and it worked! :D
If you're a mom, and your child comes to you to complain about his/her sibling, always ask him/her to put himself/herself in the other person's shoes. Ask what he/she did to help contribute to the issue.
Never solve your child's problems for them. It will not serve them in the long run!!!
And the best part... they will stop coming to you to complain about their sibling once they realize you won't get involved.
Be a good mom. Let your kids stand on their own two feet... Even if they wobble!!!
Then one day, they might let you go to concerts with them and will even help you with your make up!!!
I can’t believe it’s the first day of August!!! July was a very BIG MONTH for me... but perhaps an even bigger month for my youngest daughter as she & her husband welcomed their firstborn!
I became a grandmother for the 4th time on July 12th which means I now have 3 grandsons and one granddaughter - and yet another birthday to remember!!! LOL!
In case you missed him on my social media, here is the handsome Mathew Harrison Wallace, Jr. He is destined for dimples because both of his parents have them!
I feel so blessed that my children have had easy births and healthy children. #knockonwood
Not only did I welcome a new grandchild but I also had my 3 older grandchildren come for a visit this month. In fact, they just left last Saturday! I was responsible for the 19 month old for just a couple of nights so I wasn’t on "watch-him-like-a-hawk" duty for too long. He is into everything and moves quite fast so it was exhausting....
(Blog post from last year I thought was a good one so I'm reposting it with the hope it will still inspire someone to take a 2nd chance!)
Do you believe in second chances?
Do you believe in the kind where you take a chance on something that you failed at before?
Do you believe in the kind where you give someone else a second chance at being the person you knew they were capable of but failed you before?
I do. I believe in both kinds.
I want to believe that we all learn from our mistakes, that we get wiser and better with each failure.
And that possibly, just possibly, we become more determined to succeed the next time we have that chance.
When I was 47, I made a second chance decision. It was super scary. I had voices in my head telling me it was too big of a risk, that it would only lead to heartache again.
But I had to choose to try. I have only one life to live and I didn't want my life to end with any what if's.
And then there was that gut thing... I had this...
Just sent this photo to someone who was a major influence in my rebirth. Sometimes we just need THAT person who makes us feel the impossible is possible.
I've only met him a couple of times but he was my virtual trainer and helped me realize that aging really IS for Idiots. #thankstony
He happens to be my age - actually I think he is a few months older! It definitely helps when you can identify with some who is relatable. When I found out he was my age, it made me feel like: "Then why not me?!?!"
So go find YOUR person - that person who will make you believe anything is possible.
I know some people may not understand why I am in tears seeing Justify win the Triple Crown....
Do you have any idea how AMAZING that is?!?! TWICE IN 40 years!
I am an animal lover. I am especially a horse lover. I used to own one. I used to ride every day. I loved riding. It was such a passion of mine.
I've been thinking about starting again. It's been in my mind since last summer when I took my granddaughter to her first riding lesson.
I think it's time. No more just thinking! I'm going to call tomorrow and get started.
If it makes you cry, DO IT, right?
Thank you Justify, for reigniting a long idle passion.